You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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