Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
