U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
