If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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