Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
