Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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