we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize