she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
