i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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