peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sobbing to NWA
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
