thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
