I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize