All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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