We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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