I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
