she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
