I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
