youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
