haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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