If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
