I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
