So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
