OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
