Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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