yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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