I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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