The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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