Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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