somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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