he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize