I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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