i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
