I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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