Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You dont lie about slip and slides
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
