i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
