If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
