i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
