Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
