The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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