were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
