I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
