since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
