when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so let's talk penis.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
