i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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