your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
