I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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