my shit smells like andre
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
