Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
