she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
