you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
