So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
