i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
