guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
