I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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