Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize