Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
