His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
