He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
