hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
