Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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