There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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