Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
