4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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