So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
