I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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