is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
