After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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