I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
