You just made me feel so damn special
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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