Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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