What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
