I think my fart just growled at me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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