Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
