he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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