what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
