id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
