In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
