a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
