Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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