Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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