to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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