Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
