I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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