i love accidental penises.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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