I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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