We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
