I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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