i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize