my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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