his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
