nut hugger
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So much rum. So many feels.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want to make out with him forever
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
