Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
